Yes, it's that time of year again--my annual check for sexually transmitted diseases. You can catch a lot off a toilet seat, you know. Oh, and it's also Halloween.What is it about adulthood that dulls our enthusiasm for holidays? Remember when you were a kid? Halloween was bigger than anything. You couldn't wait to rot your teeth on all that sugary goodness. Even your (mostly) honest mother used the old excuse that your neighbors might have slipped razor blades into your Bit O' Honey so she could take the opportunity to level a "candy tax" on your ass. All in the name of protecting the children. Et tu, Mother? Parents, think about what kind of rest home you'd like to be living in a few decades from now before you rip off too many of those fun size Snickers bars.
Speaking of the razor blades, when did that ever actually happen? Did you know anyone in your neighborhood who was capable of that? It couldn't have been the Jehovah's Witnesses. They were too busy racing to turn off every light in the house. They didn't have time.
Not a Jehovah's Witness
This is all beside the point, though. Now, as adults, we don't care about Halloween. It's just another hassle. Buy an overpriced costume, buy candy for those rotten children your neighbors keep crapping out, buy decorations, spend, spend, spend! No thank you. I'm going to become a Jehovah's Witness. Then I can finally justify forgetting everyone's birthday.
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