DUST IN THE WIND

Wouldn't it be great if old people were forced into euthanasia at age 65? How does that benefit you? Let us count the ways.

1) The cost of a round of 18 holes would come crashing down because of light demand, a good thing for Asians and those of us on a tight budget.

"No biggie. We'll still have 2 billion people."

2) My dream of fitting all human beings with flashing red lights on the palms of their hands, like in Logan's Run, would finally come true.

It's good for reading at night, too.

3) Pussy politicians won't have to worry about reforming Social Security. Just keep it. No one will ever get their money anyway. Now the government can spend it on worthy causes like the Anal Cancer Institute of Concord, California.

The Anal Cancer Institute

4) You can finally stick it to your dad, like you always wanted to. With dignity, of course.

"Kids, stop throwing flowers on Grandma. She's not dead yet."

5) All my high school teachers will be eligible.

Bet you wish you didn't give me a C in English now, Mr. Dingleberry.

6) And finally, because unlike Trix, abortion isn't just for kids.