RETURN OF THE KING

What a fabulous vacation I had. But after the overwhelming and persistent demands of as many as two readers of the blog, we're back in production. Lately, I've really let myself go. My hair is unkempt and long, my beard has gone unshaven. I'm like the Geico caveman: hairy, unfunny, and annoying. And if you say, "Oh, I love those commercials," then you are officially gay. And not the hip, trendy I-like-dudes gay. I mean the super lame gay.

Caveman or Mickey Rourke?

Maybe I should start dating again. That might motivate me to raise my appearance from disturbing to slightly embarrassing. Would it be worth it? Absolutely not. But perhaps I'm bitching and complaining too much. As my BFF Clint Eastwood always said to me as we smoked cigars and played pinochle, "Stop bitching and complaining. The thing that was just spoken was said by me, Clint Eastwood."

True story.