THANK YOU FOR SMOKING

In my search for a career that provides the most money for the least amount of effort, nothing holds a candle to voiceover work. We've all sat in movie theaters listening to that guy with emphysema tell us that only one man can stop the forces of lazy scriptwriting and movie star vanity from destroying the world. That guy gets paid a hell of a lot, in case you weren't aware. The only real drawback is that I would need to start smoking 4 packs a day to get rid of that pesky crack in my voice that just barely prevents me from sounding like Satan's apprentice.

Let's nuke our bodies for Christmas, everyone!

Smoking copious amounts of tobacco is the key to success and riches. Just look at Swayze. He smoked so much that his pancreas got cancer. It bypassed the lungs altogether. That's impressive. And his pancreas rewarded him with seemingly divine inspiration to make Roadhouse, the most hilarious movie of all time. Many people will argue that the film was not meant to be funny, but you, me, Swayze, and his pancreas know otherwise. Keep enjoying that smooth flavor, buddy. Nobody puts Swayze in a corner.